Geoff's Novels

In 2005, Geoff Tristram embarked on a new career, as a novelist. His younger brother, David, is a highly-successful comedy playwright with some twenty plays regularly being performed worldwide and two full-length films, not to mention the YouTube sensation, ‘Doreen’s Story’ under his belt, so writing comedy must be in the Tristram genes!

Geoff’s first story, ‘A Nasty Bump on the Head’, about a scatterbrained eleven-year-old artist with a gift for causing mayhem, became essential reading material for anyone born within a thirty-mile radius of the Black Country, and this quickly led to ten more comedies, eight of them featuring scatterbrained artist, David Day, and four featuring chaotic writer, Adam Eve.

Those who have read these wonderful books and laughed out loud in the most unsuitable places tell Geoff that his books are simply crying out to be made into comedy films. Maybe one day, when his brother gets a spare second, this can be arranged! Watch this space.

Meanwhile, all of Geoff’s books can be signed and posted to your home with any personal inscriptions you desire.

So, yeah! Click on the books and get shopping!

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The Curse of Tutton Common

Scatterbrained young artist, David Day, is offered part-time work at Stanmore Castle’s Museum of Local Life, possibly the dullest, most boring museum in the British Isles.

After a disastrous start, where he and rookie curator, Julian, mistake each other for the local lunatic and flasher, the two form a close bond. They then determine to transform the place in order to attract the punters and save their genial old boss, Percy Payne, from bankruptcy.The problem is; the museum has no major exhibits to speak of, other than a few moth-eaten, out-of-date waxworks that Madame Tussauds had sold on, and even those have been dismembered or beheaded by the local school children.
To make matters worse, eccentric proprietor Percy is determined to cut costs by employing his thirteen-year-old niece to create the countryside murals, in spite of the fact that she has no artistic ability or grasp of rudimentary anatomy.

David’s professionalism is welcomed, but Percy’s problems run deeper than the mere cosmetic. In a nutshell, his exhibits are duller than ditchwater, and it’s going to take more than a gifted artist’s touch to put that right.
Then, the three unlikely friends experience a dramatic change of fortune, brought about by Hitlerina, the revolting castle cat, who proudly brings a withered human finger into Julian’s office for him to play with.

This sets into a motion a roller-coaster ride of pure mayhem, and a preposterous, yet somehow utterly believable plot of sheer comic genius, that will have you laughing out loud in the most unsuitable places.Could it conceivably be true be that David, Julian and Percy, ably abetted by Hitlerina and Jethro, the transsexual gardener, have really discovered an ancient Egyptian burial tomb….in South Staffordshire?

ISBN: 978-0-9551428-3-3. Paperback, 200 pages, 130w x 198mm.

”Another helping of inspired madness from the creator of David Day. The adventures get more surreal -and more hilarious – with each book.”

Sally Oldaker. Limited Edition Magazine

”A scream from start to finish. ‘The Curse of Tutton Common’ reminds me of those classic Ealing comedies we all used to love, and I should know -! live in Ealing! We all complain about the dearth of good drama on TV nowadays, so let’s get this on the box, the sooner the better.”

Robert Williams , Creative Director, Penguin Books (UK) Ltd

£8.99 +£1.99 postage

£7.99 +£1.99 postage

The Hunt for Granddad's Head

It’s the summer of 1965. Doctor Who is on TV and the Beatles are on the radio. Meanwhile, in a small, sleepy Black Country town, ten-year-old David Day and his two friends from Brierley Bank Junior School are spending their art lesson sketching in the churchyard when a large branch from the tree they are sitting beneath crashes to earth and shatters a nearby gravestone. Inside a broken urn they find a letter written by the late Jeremiah Silversmith, a miserly and reclusive old Victorian gentleman, explaining that he has hidden his money and, with uncharacteristic generosity, is now inviting the reader to try and find it. The only problem is, no-one can find any evidence of his existence in the parish records.

Meanwhile, everyday life continues to have its ups and downs – quite literally in David’s case. He is dreading having to endure ‘the bumps’ for his eleventh birthday, especially if school bully, Brett Spittle, has a hand in it. On the plus side, David has been promised a new Subutteo team by his doting parents, which means that he will be able to give best friend Gary his battered old one. Unfortunately, the centre forward’s head is missing and most of the others have broken arms and legs, prompting David to rename them Brierley Bank Celtic, after a fairly dreadful Sunday league team that his granddad once played for. All that David and Gary long for now is a television, so that they can watch Doctor Who, the scary science fiction series that all the children at school are talking about.

Then, during an idyllic weekend at the family caravan, the friends’ world is turned upside down when they meet a strange lady who hands the boys a mysterious gift, warning them of its awesome power.

As a consequence, life in Brierley Bank suddenly begins to get hectic, as David is forced to deal with Dalek invasions, grumpy toyshop owners, squashed school trophies, disappearing telephone boxes and a very nasty case of space bacteria, en route to exacting his revenge on the evil Brett Spittle.

ISBN: 978-0-9551428-6-4. Paperback, 180 pages, 130w x 198mm.

“A bit like ‘The Worst Week of My Life’ crossed with ‘The Last of the Summer Wine’ on LSD. It’s only a matter of time before someone high up discovers Geoff’s crazy comedies and films them, hopefully before he’s too addled to enjoy the money!”

Sally Oldaker – Limited Edition Magazine

£7.99 +£1.99 postage