Artist, Cartoonist, Comedy Writer.
Browsing the site
To find your way around simply click on the buttons above and you will be taken to the relevant sections where you will be able to view thumbnail images of my work. As you mouse over them they will dim slightly, see the image here to the right, - just click on one to enlarge and zoom to the full image. Then simply click on the 'x' in the red box to return to the page.
New novels by Geoff...
Like everyone else on this planet, artist and cartoonist, Geoff Tristram, gets irritated by all sorts of things, from the trivial and irrational, to the seriously infuriating. He covers fashion, language, bad grammar, television, advertising, cosmetic surgery, music, Covid 19, neighbours, food, animals, people, politicians, shopping, celebrities, woke warriors, snowflakes, art, marriage, ageing, graphic design, doctors, and much, much more besides.
He’s even drawn a few quick cartoons to better illustrate his moans, including a front cover felt-pen self-portrait that his long-suffering wife, Susan, said looked absolutely nothing like him, even though he insists he took it directly from a photograph that his brother, David, took of him pulling an ‘exasperated and incandescent’ face. He duly drew another one and she wasn’t keen on that either. You just can’t please some people. Maybe she has propopagnosia!
He also admits that there might not even be 500 things. It may be more, or it may be less - he couldn’t be bothered to count them, but he argues that a subtitle such as, ‘497 things that irritate the hell out of me’ wouldn’t have been anywhere near as catchy, so he rounded it up (or down).
So get yourself a copy, laugh at the grumpy old git’s observations, and see if you actually agree with any of them. Most are only a sentence or two long, so even someone with your terrible attention span will enjoy it!
So, yeah! That’s about it. Get your wallet out!
Gloria is the owner of a small café in Stratford-upon-Avon, home of William Shakespeare, but even a town that’s used to great drama has never witnessed anything quite like this. Her customers all have a fascinating story to tell, but nothing is quite as it seems. Or is it?
All Gloria wants to do is serve her teas and coffees to the tourists, and enjoy a nice, peaceful, uneventful day, but instead, the café seems to be a convenient meeting place where plots are hatched, scores are settled, tall tales are spun, and subterfuge and double-dealing are rife.
Just when you’re sure that you understand what’s going on, everything gets turned upside down again and you realise that you still don’t have a clue. Then, in the midst of all the chaos and confusion, something truly monumental happens that you won’t see coming, and suddenly, everything makes perfect sense.
This is a short story for those who take their comedy black, and like their plots to be devilishly clever.
For someone who was supposed to have retired, David Day, the renowned artist and picture restorer, was finding life extremely hectic. He’d been commissioned to paint a portrait of a mad old professor for Birmingham University, and as soon as that was finished, he was due to begin a painting of an Earl’s daughter, whilst simultaneously restoring an old oil painting for the Earl’s wife, and working on his first crime novel.
Oh yes, and he was also helping the Birmingham Police to solve five murders committed by a psychopathic serial killer, who not only murdered innocent people, but stuffed tea bags into their mouths afterwards, and then sealed them up with gaffer tape. And with all that going on, he still found time to take part in the pub quiz at The Plough every week.
Treat yourself to a truly funny book and a great, cleverly-plotted murder mystery at the same time. Even better, it’s set in the Black Country, where virtually everyone is a born comedian. But be warned. This book is for those who take their comedy black!
ARTIST, CARTOONIST AND COMEDY WRITER
© G.Tristram 2022 • Website design